Friday, October 31, 2003

non-drunk but just as happy

i received a gently worn dollar bill in the mail yesterday from David Filipek of Alameda, CA. it's the most valuable dollar i have had the pleasure of spending in many years. i used it to fund some of tomorrow's halloween candy disbursement.

you see, i sold an old pair of button fly jeans on ebay. they meant nothing to me, but were the subject of some denim dreams for David as he shelled out seventeen-fifty plus four-fifty shipping for my forgotten 501s. three days post-auction, a small letter arrived with one of those tiny $7.95 return address ink stamps in the corner and adorned with a 'first flight Wright Brothers' postage stamp, inside, a neatly printed note (same return address stamp in the upper left hand corner) wrapped around a crisp twenty and it's neighbor a series 1995 two dollar bill (well that's nifty). I promptly mailed the jeans off and that was that. happy feedbacks for me and all my good friends!

Yesterday, as i'm shuffling through the rain forest of junk mail that oklahoma crams me with every day, i came across a letter from california. It was not your impersonal #10 size envelope, but another A2, complete with a 'welcome to oklahoma' postage stamp (well that's nifty), David Filipek again. my heart sank. were the jeans defective? was there a napkin from a strip joint in one the pockets? you can't take back positive feedback mother fucker. those jeans were perfect when i sent them off. fucking postal service must have fucking fucked them up in transit. i can't believe i have to deal with this bullshit. i fucking knew that $17.50 for a stupid pair of jeans was too good to be true. i tore open the envelope and readied myself for whatever interstate mail fraud i was going to be blamed for. the note read,

Dear Ray,

I noticed that the jeans I purchased from you cost $5.50 to ship and not $4.50 as you stated in the invoice. Here is another dollar to cover that.

David Filipek

I immediately sent him a free pair of jeans y'all. He found a 'Welcome to Oklahoma' stamp to use on the letter to me. He lives in California. Found an 'Oklahoma' stamp. California. Oklahoma. Dollar Bill. I love David Filipek from Alameda, CA.

I guess that is what this world has come to. I feel I have to give out prizes in response to random kindness. If that is what it takes, then that is what it takes. I will be a politeness prize patrol. So keep up all the good work all of you kind, rare, and wonderful people with manners and common decency. I will now be watchin' and prizin'.

For all you dicks out there. I have in my employ, twelve hundred three dark devil gnomes who will flatten your tires if you don't stop bein' dicks, you dicks. so don't be a dick, be good and win a prize.


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