Saturday, January 31, 2004

Just gotta let ya know

You guys(read:my friends) are fucking awesome!
Damn I have so much more to say about this but I'm ready to pass out. So I'll paraphrase. I love the shit out of you guys cuase you love ME and I love YOU. We so ain't fake. Wordem up G. I'm so much more awesome than pencils when I talk nonsense and drunkenese. I'll countinue to end with this...if you were picking an inanimate object that you were cooler than what would it be? Just a reminder, I'm cooler than pencils...if the conditions are right. Did I end yet?
Ok really, does anyone know where Senor Boop it is? Really. I miss him. I miss you guys. Welcome shitfaces. HAHAHAHA I meant shitfaced. You get it. I didn't think so. Neither do I. If I had just asked the question that I had wanted to, there would have been some weird faces starin at their computer screens. I'm done this time I promiss.
I just read this message and I'm still gonna post it...that's how non-sober I am.

the sutdo is warmer than my house

long ago

in a rater fancy piece of wssapace called college sation, jam i anderson s took me to a map of the world. it was crfully painted on a pavement qnat an ekelmentary school. tonight i sick dog on a rug epiphonied on that. while i wawas walking home from the twins house in sup freeszing temperatiures. ihaerad leaves in trees and swa dumb things, soooooooooooooo dumb. but silenced by teh trees. nesxt week will be a new part of that map. so help me dumb.

ray

Friday, January 30, 2004

Missing:

Name: Senor Boop
Age: Unknown
Race: Wood
Last Seen: On the top of Blynch's entertainment center the weekend of 1/17/04.
Any help/clues in finding the whereabouts of Senor Boop will be rewarded.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

pang pain

why does my belly feel like this? i am so damn hungry right now. my belly pokes out like a capacitied mono-cheek chipmunk, yet i'm still hungry. flab is pounding on belly's front door like a pair of mormans, yet i'm still hungry. it's also at the backdoor, side door, windows, and surrounding my belly chimney. that flab is made of everything you like, stupid belly. salt-lick, pancakes, whataburger, wendy's, bacon...EAT IT! EAT IT YOU STUPID BELLY! EAT THAT FLAB AND MAKE ME SKINNY!

I'm going to whataburger, anybody want anything?

I CAN'T TELL

I can't tell... if all this time, I've learned from my experiences in life and therefore have become a better person because of them? Am I truly learning or just making mental notes here and there? Am I ignoring the obvious around me? Am I escaping from it? Am I enjoying it and grabbing hold? Do I live more in the present, the future, or the past? Is living in your head living in the present? Am I afraid of stupid things? Am I justified in being afraid? Does the act of conquering fears mean I'm living a more meaningful life? Do I have too many personality flaws? Do I have too many physical flaws? Do I have faulty wiring? Is being sad or serious something your supposed to avoid? How much dirt can get on your pants before it's time to wash them?

I think I know what the problem is here.
I'm sober.
Stupid conscious brain.
Just shut up and operate my organs.
Let the scientists do the thinking.
Stupid brain.
Just shut the hell up.

Monday, January 26, 2004

oh the places you'll go

mmkay blynch & colby - sorry if you web crawlers have already been to this one but it's just so bad, I had to post it:

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/doodoocaca.php
 
I couldn't view Angry Naked Pat but I'm sure it's sick n twisted.
 
http://www.angrynakedpat.com/network/icf/index.php
 
Download some fun baby jesus stuff my friend did here:
 
http://www.automusik.com/temp/download.html

I think for your next film, you guys should do porn meets product placement.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

time for a haircut and shave Ray

I love it!!!

This is my favorite thing from this week.
http://www.venisproductions.com/movies/heyyacb.html

http://files.funfreepages.com/videos/heyyacb.mov

Thursday, January 22, 2004

The Wonderful Surprise!

ONE DAY... Blynch was sitting in his very own house when suddenly his garage door flew open and in walked 3 creatures. Blynch was paralyzed. He was so SURPRISED by what he saw!!! What were these creatures that surprised him?


WHY... THE 3 DRUNK FRIENDS!!! "Hi! BLYNCH," they said, "WE'RE HERE TO SLEEP ON YOUR FLOOR!!!"

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Appliance Denyance

I started out this fine morning with the single most illogical, gnarled, 35-38 year old in all of Oklahoma City. This man is the anti-David Filipek. Let's call him Devil Filipek. He is the source of what is easily my best/worst time here.

Ray needs a washer and dryer. He called a 'gentleman' last night around 9pm to inquire about the pair he had for sale at around $90 (too cheap, i should've know better).

They agreed to meet this morning at 7:30. Ray was 10 minutes late (of course), but he did call at 7:25 to let Devil know. Devil said that he had to leave by 8. No problem. Ray arrives and proceeds to knock on the wrong door. Ray calls Devil and finds out the correct address. It's one house over. Ray knocks on the correct door. No answer. He walks back to the driveway and there's Devil. Ray laughed and said, "Hey, are you Devil?"

Do you know when a mean animal pauses that awkward staring pause just before the snarl and gutteral warning? Ray knew they were about to share a moment that he would remember forever. "This ain't funny, " he snapped. "You are laughing, trying to be nice, but this ain't funny." "I sincerely apologize," Ray said sincerely. "You were supposed to be here at 7:30 is that your car?" "Yes," Ray replied. He pointed to the side of his house and spouted "There's the washer and dryer, do you want them?" in a tone as if Ray had just peed on the rug over the spot where Devil just killed and buried his betrothed postman. Ray quickly, "I'm really sorry that.." Devil, "There's the washer and dryer. DO YOU want them!?" Ray wanted desperately to try and go through with the transaction just to see what would happen but what if the washer and dryer were as faulty as their coversation? What if THAT was where the postman was buried? Why isn't somebody filming this? Ray, sincerely, "No, I do not." Ray smiled at his use of a non-contraction, turned, and walked toward the car to these words "THEN GET OFF MY FUCKING PROPERTY AND COMB YOUR FUCKING HAIR!"

Like brats in elevators, these were all of my buttons being pushed at once. I kept walking.

I, sincerely, just left this message on his answering machine, "This is Ray, I just wanted to apologize if I made you late for work this morning. I wish you luck in selling your washer and dryer." Like brats in elevators.

I'm pretty sure I found the ad in the "Daily Oklahoman". Something like www.newsok.com and $90/2 = $45. I'm just sayin.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

this is what happened to me this weekend....

victoria and myself arrive into austin @ 4:00 AM saturday morning driving her dad's suburban. i immediately start drinking. i realize that i forgot all my clothes in oklahoma. i try to wash the clothes i'm wearing but accidentally lock them in blynch's laundry room. now i have NO CLOTHES except for the lady bug halloween costume i brought down with me. i begin to fear that i will be forced to wear this lady bug costume ALL WEEKEND LONG.

i get stupid drunk and enjoy the site of damon trying to feed blynch a weird, rotten potato. while dylan falls asleep, we draw on his face with a sharpie.

i get about 2 hours of sleep and immediately get up to go drink some more. blynch and ray get the laundry room open with a screwdriver (i think) and i retrieve my clothes. at about 3:00 PM I score a .09 on the breathalyzer. i am disappointed and begin to think that my lack of sleep is contributing to me feeling drunker than i really am. during the test damon scores a .15, blynch and colby a .13, dylan and lee a .09, victoria a .08, and ray... well....ray scores a .06. ray is considered legal. RAY PREWITT IS THE ONLY PERSON UNDER THE LEGAL LIMIT.

after drinking we try to make a movie with ray and colby's cameras. i put on the lady bug costume and lee and I walk around the HEB waving to children. there we get some natural light and water. someone empties a half bottle of RED wine into victoria's dad's suburban. that makes me smile with anger. everyone gets really drunk but ray and i begin to hold back a little. colby interviews random strangers on camera about their sex life.

ray and i decide to go home to edit whatever nonsense we have filmed. everyone is now far more drunk than we are. we try to edit the movie but i know we are in trouble after colby gets kicked out of Barflys and everyone goes back to blynch's house. damon opens a beer onto my laptop, colby almost crashes through a window TWICE, victoria walks right through a scene we are trying to film and stands in front of the camera like it's a potted plant that needs to be watered, colby separates me from my hat because he thinks i'm afraid to loose my hair, chris steps on all the cords to my computer ripping them from the wall, etc. ray and i are about to cry.

we finish editing the movie and everything is better again. damon and i proceed to draw on dylan, colby, & victoria's face with a sharpie while they are sleeping. ray and blynch both team up and convince me that they drew on my face with a sharpie but it turns out they really didn't. they let me believe this for about 30 minutes. when i found out they didn't draw on my face, i begin to feel bad that damon and i have completely COVERED dylan's face with blue, red, and green markers. COMPLETELY COVERED. he looks like a Basquiat painting. damon and i decide to draw on our own faces as self punishment.

we sleep for about 4-5 hours. we wake up BROKEN. we eat lunch. we invent a drink called the BEAR TREAT and begin to get PLOWED again. the movie is screened at a theatre in the mall at midnight on sunday. a custodian locks the mall bathrooms so i piss in a plastic, potted plant in the middle of the food court. i feel really tripped out stumbling through an empty, closed mall all by myself while extremely drunk. what the hell kind of reality is this? i don't remember much after that and i don't remember watching the drunk film we made. we get back to blynch's and i get really, really mad at victoria. i get whiskey belligerent. i acost her for not being a good friend. i become mister-bad-mood-ladybug. i also get mad at the people who ate all the salt lick left overs i helped save. i eventually apologize and everyone's happy again. damon pretends to be andy rooney for a while. damon and i wrestle on the ground until i rip his underwear out of his pants. blynch, ray, and myself mess with colby's dreams by massaging his crotch with a mop while whispering, "Good dog. That's a good dog," into his ear.

that's all i can write for now. phew.



Saturday, January 17, 2004

breakfast

what could be finer, (nothing in carolina)
then out of the can
the cinanamon rolls
that have there own icing
apply the icing with th finger
then lick the can
careful not to cut your tonge
that sure would be a dinger.

WOOOOOOOOOO!

THe sun is out you suns of bithces.
Ray say ditto.
He also the spirti is with him/us.
Don't drop off tghat comercial Ray. Just put in they're mailbox.
They are right around the corner said Derek raight before he put Ray in the most viscous headlock I've ever seen in my entire life.
Ray is bleeding people.
Terracotta period. Fuck your punctuation you pansy fucks.
GET OFF OF MYU C:LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS eat an eclair and think of chickens.

Holy shit.

The decleration of independence came like a tital wave you've got to give'em typin' time. I have to get behind this keyboard to do this. You chinese hat wearin' mutha fucker.
THESE BEES ARE IN MY EYES!!!
can I type skmething please? said Damon said.

He's clapping cause he likes negative ions.
Dolomite wins this round!!!!!
Beat that you fag wearing cats.
Who like to make out with dogs and sheep of different colores.

The totally have different cologne.
Said derek...tiwce.
I know a guy who has been in a severe motorcycle/scooter accident where he almost lost his balls.
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU KNCOLW????????????
THE END..........or is it.



BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, January 16, 2004

Ramble on...yet again

i just heard an awesome quote
"I fought it off with every inch of my body."
"Well, if you've got the clap, I can think of several inches that didn't fight it off."
I'm not only drunk, but I've got rambleitis.

Russell

This is for you
https://content.sprintpcs.com/media/preview/20/Ringer-Preview-Chips-V1.mp3

Welcome the fuck back

I'm so glad that Russell has found his way back to the blog.
The bar in question is Deep Eddy Cabaret. And I absolutely love the fact that he still has those pieces of paper/photo coupons that he wrote bathroom quotes on.
We need more Russell! Its a fact.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

quotes from the restroom

I aquired most of these off a bar restroom in Austin. Altough i don't remeber the name, i have been there several times, and have ordered pizza from next door and sat in the bar and drank beer of coarse.
Here they go. "Damn it" start with simple "Perfect Turkey" "Toilet Diving" "Small mind, small dick....whatever it is"
"Duck on a Jukebox...Hooker on a Bait....Hooker on a boat....poker in th hole" no idea what this means but sound informative.
"You can fish for tuna tacos or even bearded clams, but never grab the tail of a one eyed tiger"
"Why do they call it tourist season, if you can shoot the fuckers"
"IF God didn't want us to eat Pussy, why does it look like a taco and taste like a fish"
Then there are some others that ended up on the napkin hall of shame.
"Mi-ma's chochalte fun green machine"
"Chicken of the Sea"
and that Perpiment Patty bitch Marci
"Gravy train on Biscuits wheels"
and none other then the "Chips" theme song..... go Poncharella
this is letter for letter how i wrote it, but still can't get the correct humm down
"thu' thu' da du dnndn dun dudandu-----"
see it is just impossible.......
r

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

GAN! Jami Anderson...

you better watch out

you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch outyou better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out

I like to call this picture

Fitting In

I'm pretty damn sure that nobody will find this funny, but it makes me giggle like a fool...alright a drunken fool.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAN

I found Harry's girlfriend today. You guys better remind me to show her to you.

SOS

Can someone help me out and inform me of how I can get a jpeg on the blog without it being freaking enormous? Someone shrunk the one that I posted of Derek on the scooter. How the heck do you do that?

Monday, January 12, 2004

y donde esta el Derek nuevo?

Thursday, January 08, 2004

breaker one nine. can a buddy get a catsup update? come back.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

aawwww hooombre, aqui estoy (oscilo usted como un huracan)