Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Appliance Denyance

I started out this fine morning with the single most illogical, gnarled, 35-38 year old in all of Oklahoma City. This man is the anti-David Filipek. Let's call him Devil Filipek. He is the source of what is easily my best/worst time here.

Ray needs a washer and dryer. He called a 'gentleman' last night around 9pm to inquire about the pair he had for sale at around $90 (too cheap, i should've know better).

They agreed to meet this morning at 7:30. Ray was 10 minutes late (of course), but he did call at 7:25 to let Devil know. Devil said that he had to leave by 8. No problem. Ray arrives and proceeds to knock on the wrong door. Ray calls Devil and finds out the correct address. It's one house over. Ray knocks on the correct door. No answer. He walks back to the driveway and there's Devil. Ray laughed and said, "Hey, are you Devil?"

Do you know when a mean animal pauses that awkward staring pause just before the snarl and gutteral warning? Ray knew they were about to share a moment that he would remember forever. "This ain't funny, " he snapped. "You are laughing, trying to be nice, but this ain't funny." "I sincerely apologize," Ray said sincerely. "You were supposed to be here at 7:30 is that your car?" "Yes," Ray replied. He pointed to the side of his house and spouted "There's the washer and dryer, do you want them?" in a tone as if Ray had just peed on the rug over the spot where Devil just killed and buried his betrothed postman. Ray quickly, "I'm really sorry that.." Devil, "There's the washer and dryer. DO YOU want them!?" Ray wanted desperately to try and go through with the transaction just to see what would happen but what if the washer and dryer were as faulty as their coversation? What if THAT was where the postman was buried? Why isn't somebody filming this? Ray, sincerely, "No, I do not." Ray smiled at his use of a non-contraction, turned, and walked toward the car to these words "THEN GET OFF MY FUCKING PROPERTY AND COMB YOUR FUCKING HAIR!"

Like brats in elevators, these were all of my buttons being pushed at once. I kept walking.

I, sincerely, just left this message on his answering machine, "This is Ray, I just wanted to apologize if I made you late for work this morning. I wish you luck in selling your washer and dryer." Like brats in elevators.

I'm pretty sure I found the ad in the "Daily Oklahoman". Something like www.newsok.com and $90/2 = $45. I'm just sayin.

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