Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Monday, November 29, 2004

i'll even throw in the ads

i'll even throw in the 'ads'

Sunday, November 28, 2004


Mercados - The Mexican Whore Store

ok, here's the deal. i will be posting page by page of this serial comic from mexico. it is up to y'all to provide your best interpretation in the comments. fluent spanish speakers are encouraged to lie. at the end of the 'comic', i will compile the best 'interpretations' and post the entire thing on dammitray... ready? vamos!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Anybody?

Anybody seen a vampire zombie around here?

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I know this is long... but I had to VENT

Bruce the Plumber is a complete nut job.

The basement in our house is FILLED with water thanks to:
1. The main SEWAGE line backing up.
2. A night's worth of rain.

It is FILLED. We're talking ABOVE the waist here. Half of the water heater was submerged.

Because the water heater was submerged and because it is an ELECTRICAL water heater, the floodwater in the basement was electrically charged and SMOKING and POPPING. No automatic safety triggers were thrown. The water was LIVE. We had to manually throw the breakers to cut it off.

At the exact same time the house flooded, killing the water heater and leaving us with COLD showers during weather averaging about 33 Degrees... the HEAT in the studio dies. It is a constant 45 degrees in the studio.

NOW... to remedy these emergencies... BRUCE the EXPERT was called in today, the day before Thanksgiving.

The first thing Bruce does is walk into the studio and start throwing EVERY switch on the breaker box without notifying me. Of course my computer is on so it gets BLASTED off and my Final Cut Pro Projects are immediately lost.

Then BRUCE proceeds to run into the hanging lamps (the ones that replaced Klint's disaster) and smash one into the wall.

He apologizes with a beautiful "crack head smile".

BRUCE then proceeds to try and fix the hot water heater in the studio... DESPITE the fact that I tell him that the hot water heater in the studio is not needed and the three most pressing issues are:

1: REMOVAL of the 5,000 gallons of water, shit, and mold in the house.
2. Fixing the sewage line.
3. Giving us hot water in the HOUSE (not the studio) where it is needed.

But Bruce does not listen. Bruce becomes INFATUATED with the hot water heater in the studio. He spends an hour and a half on it, stabbing at it with this ONE little tool he owns, and then decides it probably just needs to be replaced.

Bruce then walks over to the house and actually tells me that we... WE... are going to have to get some buckets. BUCKETS? BUCKETS!!!??? In 33 degree weather at NIGHT. Standing in ELECTRICALLY CHARGED SHIT WATER?!!! Fuck off. Call me homeless. I'll sleep behind the HiLo dumpster on a turkey pillow EVERY NIGHT.

So where am I now... after Bruce's visit?
I still have an icebox studio, a house filled with mildew, mold, sewage, and rainwater... not to mention cold showers in the morning... a damaged lamp... and 3 hours of lost work in Final Cut Pro.

GOOOOO BRUCE!!!
I think all this guy is really interested in is chasing the small, plastic ponies inside his mind.

-Derek

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

does anyone remember these quotes from th' land in 2002?

- when you have a dog and it dies, i'm going to make you do shots out of it's mouth

- it's only a carcass

- are these mine or did you bleed in 'em?

- where's my cell phone? i need to see if my mom got a kidney while i was drunk.

Hey!

Hey Ray! I sure miss singing songs to you at 4 AM. Do you remember me? I'm all dressed up for your return visit. I got my coat all fluffed up and everything. I love you Ray. I haven't barked ONCE since you left. I'm saving all my high pitched, chalkboard-screech-style BARKS just for you.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Things...

I found funny this weekend.
David Blane, Mariah Carey and the Devil hang out at Night Court.
Sharkgina.
Rainbow Massage.
Wolfman was the first bull to score 100 pts.
AND
My best friend from law school went out with the black guy from the rodeo.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

me stoopid

But I really think that the paper bag makes the roadmaster taste better. For reals yo.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Blyncgh gave me a apaint by numbver s kit

pleast voet on what this is..........

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Real American Family

y'all have inspired me...

probably inappropriate

Sorry if this offends anyone but I have a really weird question. I just watched this show on blind people. They explained a lot of things about being blind, but they didn't answer the one fucked up question that kept going through my head. How does a blind person know when they are done wipping? Think about it for a second, or don't, but I just can't figure it out.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

WOOOOOO!

Hey! I'm drunk! I never remember to post on thos thing when I'm drunk. That's the rule, right? Hey! It's not even eight on a Wednesday and I'm drunk. Why?

BECAUSE I'M FUCKING HOLLYWOOD, BITCHES.

check it: I got fired today from a job I never had. How fucking hollywood is that? I ask you. I'ts seriously FUCKING HOLLYWOOD. It's so hollywod I'll just put an apostrophe wherever I fucking want.

'

ha.

Yeah, one year of working with a company on a pitch, only to be unceremoniously "dropped" from the project. Oh, they'll be pitching my story, but not with me in the room, because I don't 'GET IT.' Do you love it? I don't get MY OWN STORY. Ha!

I love LA.

(We love it!)

serioiusly, I feel so free. These people gave me boils, for reals, y'all.

I'm so happy. And fired! I got dropped from a project. And then it'll become next summer's indie blockbuster and I'll be that slut at Boardners, going, "I wrote that shit! Can I have a nickel? You're pretty. Anybody tell you you look like Nick Cage? Fuck me, would you?"

I can't WAIT!

Hey. This calls for more wine. Soon I should have some dinner, though. I'm sexier with food in me.

Who wants to marry me? STEE. Get over here, you lucky man. I just lost a job I never got paid for. I'M TALENTED.

Hey. It's November, bitches. Time to update your blog. Jesus Christ.

hey. i'm awesome.