Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I know this is long... but I had to VENT

Bruce the Plumber is a complete nut job.

The basement in our house is FILLED with water thanks to:
1. The main SEWAGE line backing up.
2. A night's worth of rain.

It is FILLED. We're talking ABOVE the waist here. Half of the water heater was submerged.

Because the water heater was submerged and because it is an ELECTRICAL water heater, the floodwater in the basement was electrically charged and SMOKING and POPPING. No automatic safety triggers were thrown. The water was LIVE. We had to manually throw the breakers to cut it off.

At the exact same time the house flooded, killing the water heater and leaving us with COLD showers during weather averaging about 33 Degrees... the HEAT in the studio dies. It is a constant 45 degrees in the studio.

NOW... to remedy these emergencies... BRUCE the EXPERT was called in today, the day before Thanksgiving.

The first thing Bruce does is walk into the studio and start throwing EVERY switch on the breaker box without notifying me. Of course my computer is on so it gets BLASTED off and my Final Cut Pro Projects are immediately lost.

Then BRUCE proceeds to run into the hanging lamps (the ones that replaced Klint's disaster) and smash one into the wall.

He apologizes with a beautiful "crack head smile".

BRUCE then proceeds to try and fix the hot water heater in the studio... DESPITE the fact that I tell him that the hot water heater in the studio is not needed and the three most pressing issues are:

1: REMOVAL of the 5,000 gallons of water, shit, and mold in the house.
2. Fixing the sewage line.
3. Giving us hot water in the HOUSE (not the studio) where it is needed.

But Bruce does not listen. Bruce becomes INFATUATED with the hot water heater in the studio. He spends an hour and a half on it, stabbing at it with this ONE little tool he owns, and then decides it probably just needs to be replaced.

Bruce then walks over to the house and actually tells me that we... WE... are going to have to get some buckets. BUCKETS? BUCKETS!!!??? In 33 degree weather at NIGHT. Standing in ELECTRICALLY CHARGED SHIT WATER?!!! Fuck off. Call me homeless. I'll sleep behind the HiLo dumpster on a turkey pillow EVERY NIGHT.

So where am I now... after Bruce's visit?
I still have an icebox studio, a house filled with mildew, mold, sewage, and rainwater... not to mention cold showers in the morning... a damaged lamp... and 3 hours of lost work in Final Cut Pro.

GOOOOO BRUCE!!!
I think all this guy is really interested in is chasing the small, plastic ponies inside his mind.

-Derek

1 Comments:

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