Sunday, February 27, 2005

I had to blog about this.

"I'm just a girl from a trailer park with a dream."
- Hilary Swank's 2nd Oscar Speech

Dear Hilary,

you can't pull that shit twice.
when you won for "Boy's Don't Cry", i MIGHT have bought that speech,
but not now.
15 years ago before you moved to LA. you were cast as the star of "The Next Karate Kid" and from then on... hollywood magic began to unfold.
you WERE a girl from a trailer park with a dream...
but now you're a Hollywood movie star with a shit ton of money.

hilary, i'm going to help you out.
please follow this one rule.
once you become famous you can never use the following words again.

1. "Dream"
2. "Van"
3. "Trailer Park"
4. "My own political perspective is... (fill in the blank)"

Just keep that in mind and you'll be fine.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

bye bye el camino

ok, i know the chances are very very slim of me ever getting my el camino back, but here goes. if you see this car driving around los angeles, please call the police IMMEDIATELY. it has oklahoma plates, brand new BF Goodrich Eagle GTII shoes (tires), t-tops, and is a lovely two-tone blue. i love my el camino dearly and i am still in shock that someone would steal her. if you find the time to spread the word about my plight, please send this link or the picture to your l.a. friends.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

What is y'alls favorite movie of last year?

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

under appreciated (except by roger miller)

Do you know who was under appreciated by Hollywood and the American public? ERNEST. That's who. JIM VARNEY.

He was a genius and was overlooked because he was typecast in the Ernest role.
If you watch those movies you'll notice that although the scripts are a bit weak, Jim Varney is incredible.
Take "Ernest Goes to Jail" where he plays multiple roles. He DISAPPEARS into those characters. You can see it in his eyes.
Look at the "Beverly Hillbillies" (one of the first Hollywood TV show remakes). He NAILS Jed Clampett perfectly.

Jim was in reality, a classically trained actor. I think if Jim had been put in the hands of say, the Coen Brothers (which I think would've been a perfect match), he would be have been considered one of America's great actors.

It is truly rare to have such a pure talent work for so long, be put in so many useless roles, and gain so little recognition. Jim Varney's death gained more press time than all of his cinematic works combined, which, admittedly, still didn't amount to very much.

However, there was ONE person in the industry that recognized his talents. Guess who? ROGER FUCKING MILLER. Roger Miller apparently LOVED Jim varney and offered him the role of Pappy Finn in BIG RIVER which was on Broadway at the time. Unfortunately Jim was locked into a shitty movie contract and was not allowed to do the role. Jim said he was almost in tears. Roger even offered him a short six week run but Hollywood would still not let him do it. Thanks a lot fuckers.

Varney was described as Mr. Rogers meets Roger Miller meets Buck Rogers meets Roger Rabbit. He walked blindly with only his pure heart and comic innocence to lead him. In a way, he was a live action version of Kermit; honest, innocent, and determined.

God bless Jim Varney. I wish he was still alive. Too bad he didn't have Jim Carrey's agent. In fact, who DID represent Jim Varney? They need to be killed. They obviously DID NOT understand what he was capable of and did a poor job of mapping out his career. But then again... maybe that's Jim's fault? Perhaps he was too humble to bitch.

Whatever. I love Jim Varney.

Monday, February 14, 2005

shave and a haircut

apparantly i can't afford either.

my flight actually got in on time from aspen last night. my luggage, however, took an hour to find it's way from the belly of the plane to the playground slide thingy onto the lazy susan thingy. i didn't get home til almost midnight, where i proceeded to sleep for 10 hours.

i stumble-fell out of bed at ten this morning, late for everything i had to do. how was it that i was chipper and functioning at eight or nine every morning aspen? i drank and smoked and smanked. beer at noon? fuck yeah. i drank it. there was barely enough oxygen in the mountains to keep a cigarette lit, much less torture my lungs with it. i smoked the shit out of them.

i reckon it all caught up with me during my ten hour catch-up crash.

i forgot to look in the mirror today. bed straight to public. go ahead and make your hollywood jokes, but my mom was staring down with some disapproval today. to go along with my 'ray's shorts' and boots with no socks, i discovered too late in the day that my hair had been the motel for some rat/squirrel tryst during the night. i guess it was too close to my daily don cuz my roomates let me out the house like that. i guess i turn 8 next month. maybe i'll get myself some school clothes and glue a compact inside my trapper keeper.

(i changed the date on this entry cuz the Varney belongs on top. good job Derek.)

Saturday, February 05, 2005


Who took the fucking picture. I'm so pissed. Who would take those pictures and why would they be there? BULLSHIT!!!