Saturday, April 30, 2005

Stupid Blog

I tried for about 2 hours to do this last night, but I couldn't. Don't ask about the blacked out line, it's a personal matter.

My Receipt

Whoooooo

Thank you Bynch

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

psst i'm me

We should write a musical about us and I want one of the songs to be called:

crazy boones

went to the wilco show with the crazy girls. they were smart and brought 12 concealable bottles of rumplemintz into the venue by shoving them inside their panties. officers were padding down everyboy before entry so it was required. i got pretty hammered on panty shots but BOTH SISTERS got SMASHED and passed out in the gross, event center bathroom together. the tickets were 35 dollars and they passed out on the third song. fucking crazy girls.

somebody found the boones piled up on top of each other and had to drive them home. i was left without a ride. i decided to start walking home when a homeless black guy walks up with a gas can and says, "hey man, can you spare some change?". i told him I'd give him some change if he gave me a ride. so he did. he drove me all the way home and during the ride he only asked for seventy five cents. SEVENTY FIVE CENTS? i told him his math didn't add up because he was spending more on gas to drive me home. he said, "i just want to get a Dr. Pepper from the convenience store and i left my wallet at home." i tried to offer him more money but he refused. he just wanted a Dr. Pepper. that's all. he was a nice guy.

Monday, April 25, 2005

soy un perdidor

the first words out of my mought the moringin was..

i am not going to drik or smoke today...


we all know wehere theis is going...

one mimosa at breadkafast and i am off tho the liquore stoere to find out hoew many varieties of adnre they make.

1:300 pm comes nd wer re playing poker for laps in the thpool. i have alrewady swum about wait swum? good gwasd ray. i 've alreadyt swam about 40 laps this weekend based on lazy card playing but i lost my mid on this one. my roomate, todd, beat my FOUR FOURS with FOUR FIVES on FIVE CARD STUD. i had to swim THIRDTY SEVEN LAPS. for 10 dave ad buster dollars. what kind of loser am i? blynch i've been trying to call you first.... wtf?

-ray

soy un perdidor

the first words out of my mought the moringin was..

i am not going to drik or smoke today...


we all know wehere theis is going...

one mimosa at breadkafast and i am off tho the liquore stoere to find out hoew many varieties of adnre they make.

1:300 pm comes nd wer re playing poker for laps in the thpool. i have alrewady swum about wait swum? good gwasd ray. i 've alreadyt swam about 40 laps this weekend based on lazy card playing but i lost my mid on this one. my roomate, todd, beat my FOUR FOURS with FOUR FIVES on FIVE CARD STUD. i had to swim THIRDTY SEVEN LAPS. for 10 dave ad buster dollars. what kind of loser am i? blynch i've been trying to call you first.... wtf?

-ray

RAY

Dude I can't f'ing believe you won't answer your phone. AGGGHHHHHHHHH!!! If you're at the computer go get your phone.

Sunday, April 24, 2005

BEWARE: OFFENSIVE

Me and a group of friends were walking back from the Ellis Island Brewery and Casino around 3:30am when I found an index card on the sidewalk with this written on it (this is totally real):

Im MARRIED n 43 yr old.
Love to fuck young teenage girls. 12yrs to 17 yrs old. Must have all 11 1/2'' in of me the 1st time. I love stretching pussy. Turn young teen sluts (over) into whores.

What the hell is that? Really WHAT? It doesn't have his name or phone number on it. It is like some dirty old perv just had to get something off his chest so he wrote it on an index card and left it on the street.
"Whew. It sure has been a long day of stretching pussy. Oh I forgot I bought these index cards. I should relax and write myself a little note reminding me of how creepy I am. Well that was relaxing, I think I'll go to that 7-11 by the Ellis Island Casino and Brewery for the new Barely Legal and some moon pies. This index card is really weighing down my pocket I'll just leave it here on the sidewalk."

Saturday, April 23, 2005

i also broke my camera

THIS IS TO MUCH BACONNNNN

THIS SIS TOO MUCH MAPELE BACON

ILLLFINISHT TVBACON IF YOUR FINSINTHE THE TOTHER

UR TURN


WHAT RE RYUOU SHUTTING SODEOWN


I'M SONTTNOT THINGIKING



AIR FAN


SHUT UP BAR BIE


ANY THOUGHTS


NQAH


BACON IS COMING TO A HWUATLT


I LOVE THE NIGHT LIVFFE

bacon blog

im trying to dedsscboer the bo.og to shane lsaser


when you blolggg you cannontt edit OBVIOUSETLY

DUH

shane here. i've never durnk blogged beefoore. fernet branca is the west. i don't regrt anything i did tnite. d6y


it;'s fine the way it wis says sshane while eating the first puond . 3.5 of bacon maple qawesomde. sheane grundts after takinf AOAIWP AIO RHr qANOR AIP OD QQrRWE FOOS OL' mwe xLIDDOENI qRWE. this is real. i just typed tatht. wp somebody doewsnot do windows sss i have a view of the house . fuck it just skip to the next entry cua i am busy.. when ever shane sees a good post he feelks like he missed a good paryty fnally he 40$ butte4r,

shane here. i bought a forty dollar tub of butter today. wink wink. wink wink wink wink. wink wink ink wink welbow jab. smile.

man i'm narcisissitificali dont give a shit i;' m pluggin in barvbie.. can we aedd sahne to the blog good cuz i did. lii lilove you all liek abroteher and a sisteter. coan i com eovoer.? oh, bacon!

quarter inch bacon is pork chops, dude. face it.




ilikek that house right ehre.

buy it


yuou there will you pay yhouer soubleslet


tahjt didnt come out how i want

jesus christ there';as so much bacon

you just spin on your stick for ever
because you watch ABC

every time i move near her she moves around some more

sh3e's never been happier]

her rabbit is rubvbing it's tail against the whte wall

barbie's never been crazier and happier

barbie, ride free baby

ride free




hey shane , how 'a s the bacon lookin'''?
cZIB U ETOQA pause

egeg ueka HYAer biuuQ UAIBE JBI GI;
yishhh
nqB KJBI GTYbarbies
DGYIagainKT agian slhsshus

baRBIE IS ROUNSDIDING AGOAN



9
i passe bd by CLARK On myu way in the mteh my bedroom i heard a dooor salem as i passed by u rgR RGUBF UA AI AREYOUAKOH NO, THUBGS ARE BAD


HE WENT BACK TO BED?


TAHT THING IDSS SO SLUD
IIM GONNA WHAT ABOUT THE POTATIOES THAT IS THE IMPROTAND THING?

SAYS SHANE?

I DONTS KNOW



GONA PUBLESHE B4

Friday, April 15, 2005

I shot this.

His name is Moe.

CLICK HERE

Monday, April 11, 2005

Bacon

If you were going to make chocolate covered bacon, what kind of chocolate would you use?

My chocolate of choice would definitely be white chocolate.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

my own personal fancyadvoe

i've got one piiece of adcvice. if ive evr had a piece of advice... itss this...

stttaaayyy awwwaayyyyyy from any liquorl that has scorp[ions in the bottle.

especiarlly mezcal.

oh fucik me.

fuckk me.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

this is actually real...

when you watch this you'll probably be thinking the same thing i did.
"this is a joke. this isn't real. no fucking way."

i've never seen something that so perfectly blurs the line between a SPOOF and REALITY, ART and CRAFT, INSANITY and COMPLETE MADNESS.

why can't there be a music video channel that plays stuff like THIS all the time?

http://americawestandasone.com/video.html

parking lot friends

tonight i saw another drag queen with a giant hunting knife.

Surprise

People find a way to suprise me every single day.
I'm serious.
Anyway
I'm a little upset that we didn't go and take the SAT while they still had analogies. That was another good idea we never did.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Norman Fell.
He sure did.
Always,
Stripped to Kill