Saturday, January 07, 2006

brokebacklohoma

so i just got back from 7-11. it was really crowded because of the 2:00 beer rush. while i was waiting in line this cowboy walked into the store and told everyone to look out in the parking lot. everyone did. he told everyone to look at the guy sitting in the passenger seat of his pickup. then he proceeded to start yelling this:

(to be spoken with an FFA instructor accent)

"hey! see that guy? see that guy with the cowboy hat on? man, that guy fucks goats! hey everybody! look out the window! see that guy out there? he fucks goats! he does! that son-of-a-bitch fucks goats!"

i started snickering because the cowboy in the parking lot was just sitting there, smiling and waving. he had a really goofy grin with big teeth and he was wearing a stiff, white cowboy hat with a gold band. he looked nice and happy.

the cowboy inside 7-11 was relentless and his dedication almost had me in tears. he was on a mission. he was walking around telling everyone, person to person, that the guy in his pickup likes to fuck goats. he was even calling people on his cell phone to spread the word. finally, the cowboy out in the parkinglot started to realize his friend was making fun of him and decided to walk inside. as soon as he opened the door he yelled:

(to be spoken with a dallas oil tycoon accent)

"hey! is he tellin' everyone i'm gay? i'm not gay! don't believe what that asshole is sayin' because i'm not gay! he's the gay one!"

then the two cowboys started WRESTLING. they ended up getting each other into head locks with one of 'em yelling: "i'm not gay mother fucker! you're the gay one!"

they proceeded to wrestle this way the ENTIRE time i was in the store until it was finally broken up after the goat fucker knocked over the salted nuts rack.

fuck brokeback mountain. this was the best show i've seen all week.

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