Sunday, February 25, 2007

he'll come again


it would seem i have some new neighbors that are less than keen on our dance party antics. mr. policeman has been by twice in the past couple of weeks. always at the stroke of four in the morning. the first visit was one of bewilderment for our man in blue. as some of you know, when being paid a visit by johnny law, they will always try to enter the home to assess the total situation and see what kind of illegal activities might be taking place. since we are only doing the typical blase saturday night electro making out with lesbian tequila shot mouth to mouth while wearing a sequine frog evening slip dance party, i always politely invite them right in. and like a cuckoo clock striking one o'clock, this guy was in, said "koo koo?" and immediately backed out the door. as he skittled back to the cruiser, i thanked him for letting us know about the noise level and wished him well on the rest of his night. i hope i didn't sound curt with him, it's just that i caught a little chill through the thigh-revealing hole i had burned on purpose into my 'world's 2nd best golfer' skirt and had to move quickly back inside.

last night's visit had similar results, but our messenger played a little more like the friend's dad in high school who let you drink in the converted garage on the weekends because then at least we weren't out roaming streets. when our new friend (pictured above) cuckooed through the door, a smile washed over his face. a smile not unlike that of a wee child when he first crosses the threshold of the disney gate. he actually said that according to the law, we were not being too loud but that it was 4am and if we wouldn't mind turning it down a bit, that would be cool, but we didn't have to. let that settle in. WE DID NOT HAVE TO TURN IT DOWN. out of politeness, we, of course, did. he truly wanted to stay and hang out. we were having so much fun that the cop sent to stop the fun wanted to stay and have the fun with us instead. or it could of been the fact that drunky ray was pulling off some fairly decent southern manners while wearing a muscle shirt and bright green nut-hugger 70's athletic shorts. either way, fun won. fun won.

thank you Rain for your stellar photography work.

Friday, February 23, 2007

fuck everyone but casey.
I tried to drunk dial everyone and none of you people wanted anything to do with me.
but casey, FROM GERMANY, he's cool.
ps. some people called back so you're cool also. so coo Ill dcall you coolo.
or coolio what ever you prefer. i type fasdt/.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

semi-retraction

in the privacy of your own home, turns out that the blow dryer move ain't half bad.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

at first it was gross

but now it's funny since i don't have enough hair to use a blow dryer.

there are blow dryers in front of all the mirrors in the Y locker room. (yes, i work out at the Y and it's fun to stay at the. fuck you Blynch.) tonight was the third time i've witnessed some octogenarian dontgiveafuckness on such a grand scale that i'm slightly more fearful of getting to that point.

this man is old, hairy, saggy, and a few other things that are opposite of a delight. suffice to say he always ends his blow dry run with a two seconds too long back handed swoop to the taint and ball region. it's almost elegant in form and so blatent that he has surpassed any 'fuck you, i'm old' displays i have ever witnessed. the execution is on par with a Karate Kid foot sweep and a whooping crane mating dance.

so if you work out at the downtown Y, shower at home and stare at the floor and air dry everything and watch out for all those bees, i mean balls.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Man. I forgot about the blog.
Way to keep things going Buddy.

Friday, February 16, 2007

i know it's rude

but it's also very amusing to present your buddy Phil a go-kart trophy for each puke as it is hurled. now i have to wash trophies? really?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

i just noticed

that i have 'grocery store' knees from last night's underwear dance party. thank goodness it was only from dancing.

so in order

to have fun, i have to not have fun. we WILL laugh about this someday. if not now. i late each and every one of us. it hurts so bad though.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

huh uh

last night i got everything i wanted and then laughed and laughed until dawn.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

huh revisited

last night i got everything i wanted then i cried.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Dammitray Pure Premium

Lots of Pulp Fun combines fresh squeezed taste with lots of pulp for that fresh Life experience. Enjoy a glass, today!

been a little contemplative today, so the blog gets a double dose.

thought for awhile that maybe i'm having too much fun. Many of you that do not know me (and some that do not no me) would ask, "What the everliving fuck is that? Too much fun? What a dick."

i very much try to live on the strict standard of 'work hard, play hard'. take a smile, leave a smile. i've made some good changes in the past few months that have made for some long overdue solid footing. i'm well aware that i'll get some Sisyphus action down the line and then i'll have a little sissy fuss, but i don't think i'll ever let the rock roll back over me or slip too far down anymore.

life is good. maybe a little too much pulp. but damn, i like pulp and i'm having fun. i just have to make sure that it doesn't get so pulpy that i'm nibbling core or shoving entire apples in my mouth.

i have two memorials to attend this week. i didn't know these people very well, but they were very Important to people that are very Important to me. without being specific, these two people died because they didn't have enough pulp in their lives. maybe they had forgotten where to get it. maybe they always ran out because others kept taking it from them. maybe they forgot to water their tree. heck, sometimes people don't even pick the fruit that's right there on their tree. it just rots right before their eyes or they let the critters get it.

well, it's harvest season at the ol' Prewitt farm, and due to my Ag degree and a continuous feeding of bullshit, it's one hell of a crop. i've found a few others that are having decent returns. we're gonna keep squeezing every bit of Fun out of life. make some preserves to share. tastes better fresh though.

i'm not aware of any flavor of Fun that goes with grief. but hell, hugs are free. i'll just bring a shit ton of those. if either of you are reading this, my thoughts are with you and yours.

by the way, i spray for critters. you know who you are.

shhh. fruit don't talk. AHHHH! TALKING HONEYDEW!!

Monday, February 05, 2007

huh.

i pride myself on being pretty honest on here, but this weekend.. huh... hmmm... huh?

so i'll tell you as much as i can.

friday:
i did something with someone to avoid someone else (see the previous entry).

saturday:
i got into something with a lot of someones.
the cops came. the cops left. (thank you manners)
i politely turned down simultaneous significant someones to do the same something with a certain smokin' hot someone sans their significant someone (see definition from previous entry).
saw sunrise, slept in, certain smokin' hot someone suddenly sans job.

sunday:
saw superbowl with some of the someones.
slurped 'spensive scotch.
sat and shot the shit with a certain smokin' hot someone and said i would no longer seek to do something out of 'spect for their certain someone and supposition that smokin' hot surpassed standards of being just another seriously smokin' hot someone.
smokin' said s'ok sometimes under certain circumstances and that their certain someone 'stands sortof.
seriously? super! still seems slightly surreptitious.

there were many many many clothes involved but very few of them were worn and yet i still have to do a bunch of laundry.

side effects of going to the gym may include but are not limited to:
back ache, muscle ache, ability to smoke and drink in vaster quantities, headache, nausea, naked, slut tendencies, and dirty house.

see?

Saturday, February 03, 2007

rude

when you get called out of the blue to go have drinks with someone and a mutual friend. not really a blind date, a blurry date. it is VERY impolite to end up half naked on the floor making out with the mutual friend while blurry pouts on the couch, RAY.

ass`hole (as hol) n. Vulgar Slang - any hole on an ass or mule. also see RAY, a drop of golden rude.

i talked with the mutual today. we both think it's fuuuuuuuhh-ney. hilarious. and also very very funny. and we should never do oh my god it was funny, that again.