Thursday, June 21, 2007

Sundays are the new Wednesdays

this here 'drunken' blog hasn't seen a drunken post since Russel phoned one in from Nashville and that was months ago. in lieu of me attempting a thursday afternoon mini-bender to set things straight, i'm gonna explain the new 'entertainment' calendar for Oklahoma City.

we all know that different cities have their own schedules that ebb and flow and roller and coaster in relation to the traditional monday thru friday work week. i've just recently figured out OKC's for the summer months. we'll call it a perpetual 7 day forcast that should last until octoberish.

Sunday = Wednesday
wednesdays have typically been a flex day. you could go out. you could stay in. with religious obligations waining here underneath the buckle of the bible belt, sunday has stepped up it's role as a day of fun. if you don't want the weekend to end, use your sunday. if you are too tired from an already too awesome weekend, take a breather. there are plenty of options including a free brunch at the HiLo or a poolside Natty Light beer bust for a mere $6... or the couch. everyone knows monday is gonna suck anyway. how much worse could a little sunday fun make it?

Monday = Tuesday
tuesday used to be a flex day. monday has taken to dressing up like tuesday recently, but like cinderella, never past midnight and always in flats or it's shoes will fall off.

Tuesday = Friday
tuesday got so tired of being tuesday that it had gender and species re-assignment surgery. she's a snappin' finger face hellcat and she don't give a fuck. nobody talks about tuesday on wednesday. they just know.

Wednesday = Biggie Shorty
officer, I KNOW my license says wednesday, but my name is FRIDAY MUTHA FUCKERRRR! no, dumbass, that's my sister, tuesday, she a tease. check the alias 'humpy', if you know what i mean. i lost another mother fuckin' heel.

Thursday = Sunday
sunglasses to work. aspirins or better to open. disco naps in the stall. i was following this schedule in Austin during 1996 and actually crawled up in john travolta's jet to take a nap because i knew no one would look for me there. no that isn't some kind of gay code. true story.

Friday = Thursday
thursday used to be the new friday, but as you can see it got a heavy demotion after the tuesday/wednesday coup. friday means the weekend is here but since you've just had one, this night ends up being casual wild. India calls it amatuer night. it's gonna be riddled with college kids, aberzombies and bitch, G.N.O.s (girls night outs, pronounced "NO" because that's all girls says when they go out in packs of three or more), and there are gaggles post-Applebee mall-dressing club goers. there's no point really. just take your significant other on a nice date and go home and get laid.

Saturday = 2 for 1 Wednesdays
infinity. it's like holding two mirrors opposite each other. the game is to try and cram as many saturdays into one saturday. i think my record is three. you will see the sunrise. hell, you might even see two sunsets (see sunday, flex day).

there. now when i say i'll call you back on tuesday you can look at the forcast and know that i will actually call you on...thursday?

anyone else have a similar schedule for their town of residence?


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