Wednesday, January 30, 2008

"that high didn't cost you nuthin"

they say that starving to death is really a pleasant way to go. as you get closer and closer to your tyra weight, you body releases endorphins and makes you loopy happy. maybe it's meant as a last ditch effort to encourage a taco expedition, maybe it explains why some models talk that way, and maybe it's why i went to the gym today... twice.

i've been doing a mile and a half in the mornings, no big whoop. i figure i can at least do that while on the master cleanse. 8pm rolled around and raymond got antsy, so i went back and did another two and half miles. i now feel stupidly alive. like the dog that endlessly chases cars. tongue waggin in the breeze and not a brain cell to show for it.

i still want a rib.

Monday, January 28, 2008

g'bye ssmmoke

i just smoked my last cigarette for a bit. stupid Derek got me all excited about doing a Master Cleanse, but i had one pack left so i finished them. started fasting this morning after he and i went to my noise violation probation deferred adjudication rapin'. i got $84 back from a $204 bond. i extremely dislike my old neighbor that wasn't Derek. whatev, case dismissed.

so yeah, smoked while starting a health fast. gotta ease into these things. i don't know what it is about these fasts, but they are mildly addictive. this will be my third in almost four months. when i'm done, i will not have eaten in 24 days out of the last 120. you wouldn't know it from looking at me. i really went to town preparing for the movie. mcdonalds was my best friend and sometimes two packs of cigs turned into three on a good drinking night.

time to pay the piper and get back to feeling good about feeling good again.

tomorrow's gonna suck. Derek's already on day three so he's over the hump. i should have pizza delivered to him. you hear that Derek? i'm gonna send you a pizza with cheeseburgers on it.

at least i'll be a cheap date in l.a.

Friday, January 25, 2008

women's glib

my buddy Phil and i paid a visit to Mama's Smoking Aces yesterday afternoon at the less than prompt "its five o'clock somewhere" time of 3:30pm

to simply call it a dive bar would grossly misrepresent it's mostly working class non-lesbian lady clientele.

the sign on the door greeted us with my favorite misspelling of the year, "No open containers in or out of the bar. If you break this rule, YOU WILL BE BARED!"

that sentence gave us quite a chuckle until we opened the door and met head on with the women who could and would carry out that punishment, misspelled or not.

favorite quotes:

"that high didn't cost you anything"

"this is the fifth house i've lived in on the same street. my kids still live in the one i grew up in."

"now i'm scared of dark bathrooms, june bugs, AND ladders."

"sign up for your pre-paid beer card"

"here's some pens for you two to take home"

"this juke is old, sometimes you have to crumple up the new dollars to make it think they're old like it is."

"bite my right nut." "grow one." "i already did." (referring to the bulbous cyst on her right pinkie)

"mama must of shook me upside down when i was a kid, that's why the fungus is in all my fingernails instead of my feet."

"you think that gets you high? you ever sprayed LACQUER?"

we absorbed all of this in the time span of one hour. i also negotiated to buy the bars kerosene heater as soon as the owner got back with the new propane tanks.

we went straight to the HiLo after and had to wash our hands BEFORE we peed.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Thinking about Life

You know,
sometimes it amazes me
when I think of all the people in the world,
and all the innocent children,
and all the wonderful animals,
and really... all the LIFE on this crazy planet,

that I'd like to kill and eat.

It just amazes me.

Man, I love meat.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Into the Cheese

such a good food.

"Happiness is only realized
when you have Nacho Cheese Doritos
covered in melted cheese
and a bowl of queso."

Into the Wild

such a fantastic movie.

"happiness is only real when it's shared"

Monday, January 21, 2008

in my skewed reality

i like to think that he was calling his office from Fred Segal because he found a hoodie that i would look great in (and i don't even like hoodies).


in my real reality, our paths rarely crossed on set and we never officially met. very thoughtful though.

i wonder what would happen if i called back and asked what kind of ringtone Tobey would want? yeah, i'll get him like a spiderman ringtone or something cool like that.