Friday, January 25, 2008

women's glib

my buddy Phil and i paid a visit to Mama's Smoking Aces yesterday afternoon at the less than prompt "its five o'clock somewhere" time of 3:30pm

to simply call it a dive bar would grossly misrepresent it's mostly working class non-lesbian lady clientele.

the sign on the door greeted us with my favorite misspelling of the year, "No open containers in or out of the bar. If you break this rule, YOU WILL BE BARED!"

that sentence gave us quite a chuckle until we opened the door and met head on with the women who could and would carry out that punishment, misspelled or not.

favorite quotes:

"that high didn't cost you anything"

"this is the fifth house i've lived in on the same street. my kids still live in the one i grew up in."

"now i'm scared of dark bathrooms, june bugs, AND ladders."

"sign up for your pre-paid beer card"

"here's some pens for you two to take home"

"this juke is old, sometimes you have to crumple up the new dollars to make it think they're old like it is."

"bite my right nut." "grow one." "i already did." (referring to the bulbous cyst on her right pinkie)

"mama must of shook me upside down when i was a kid, that's why the fungus is in all my fingernails instead of my feet."

"you think that gets you high? you ever sprayed LACQUER?"

we absorbed all of this in the time span of one hour. i also negotiated to buy the bars kerosene heater as soon as the owner got back with the new propane tanks.

we went straight to the HiLo after and had to wash our hands BEFORE we peed.

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